Mental Health in Turbulent Times
By: Devon Little (MSC, LSWAIC)
For most of us, these are times of turbulence and uncertainty. In the midst of a changing political context, many people are having to worry more about personal safety and basic needs, or those of the people they love. I would venture to say that all of us are trying to navigate a heightened level of fear, demoralization, or disconnection, while still showing up for our families, our schools, our jobs, and our communities. While not all of us choose to be tuned into politics, we are all feeling the impact of the political tension in our nation.
I know that for myself, it has been hard to know what principle or spiritual directive to most lean on right now. In one moment my mantram is “Don’t give into overwhelm,” and in others it’s “Don’t put your head in the sand!” One moment it’s “Do something!” and the next it’s “You just need to breathe.” And then I’m reminded that – much like the dialectics of mental health – these seemingly opposite ideas can be equally true. Being and doing are both valuable. Individual and collective wellbeing are related and intertwined.
We know that when we disregard aspects of our own physical and mental health in order to show up for our children or community, we tend to burn out. On the other hand, if we don’t tend to our needs for relationship, contribution and purpose, our health also suffers. Caregivers are already people that are tasked with balancing a multitude of needs, and for many, the vulnerability of those we care for is heightened right now. So I’m reminded in these times that it’s crucial that we tend to the health of our loved ones and communities in ways that also nurture ourselves.
With the help of my colleagues, I’ve compiled some ideas that might support anyone, and especially caregivers, in this pursuit (see below).
Accept what is happening, and identify areas you do have power.
My colleague Alaina Boyle, director of Sequoia, says that what’s helping her most right now is remembering the dialectic at the heart of Dialectical Behavior Therapy: acceptance and change. She says: “Ultimately, we must face reality: that there is a lot happening outside of our control, and pretending that it is not happening does little to ease our suffering over time. AND, at the same time, we can push for change; whether that change is within our own lives or a broader system, big or small, finding ways to harness our own self-efficacy and power can be freeing.” While acceptance and change often seem contradictory, one supports the other.
Identify trusted others you can lean on/into, and schedule regular check-ins.
Relationships are the bedrock of life, and they are never more important than in times of turbulence. Scheduling regular check-in times with people you trust – whether it be the people you work with, a longtime friend, a political action group, or a support group – is a powerful recipe for renewal. I added “lean into” because there is a reciprocal aspect to my suggestion, a mutual exchange in which both people benefit from emotional honesty and purposeful connection. Sequoia Associate Clinical Director, Kathryn Ouke, reminds us why this is especially important for caregivers: “It can be very easy to become isolated as a caregiver, with all the responsibilities you have and the time you put into your role. Reaching out to your support network or finding a way to build a support network is crucial. Find organizations or groups that you and your kid can be part of (if energy allows) and give back to the community, while you also reach out for support. We keep us safe.”
Reflect on your values, and let them lead.
Our values are a source of great power, and times of upheaval are a good opportunity to take stock. Many of us at Sequoia support teens to identify their top values, whether that’s belonging, connection, play, autonomy, growth, creative expression, contribution, justice, and a whole lot more. For example, values that are becoming more prescient for me right now are kindness, community, mutuality, and collaboration. When we know what’s most important to us, it helps us make choices about how we want to spend our time. If you’d like to explore your own values, you can use this online tool.. Rather than being reactive to the world around us, knowing our values helps us to plan our efforts, as well as respond to our changing context, with intentionality.
Give your feelings a container for expression, and maybe even schedule “worry time”!
As always, feelings don’t go away when we ignore them. That said, we need ways of tending to them that let them move through us, rather than taking us out of the game. Feelings can be expressed in the nonverbal containers of dance, art, sports, and music, or verbally to a trusted other. One of the ways caregivers help youth experience their feelings every day is by listening with empathy to what’s going on for them. If we can also help them identify their feelings, and validate the real reasons they could be feeling how they do, it can be an even more transformative experience. And adults need the same opportunities! A trusted other can witness us in this way, or we can act as a witness for ourselves.
For example, I love the suggestion from Kathryn of finding a “worry time”. In essence, containment around when and for how long we give expression to our worries can allow us to feel our fear, and let it move through us, without allowing those fears to spiral into catastrophizing or to overwhelm our nervous systems. Kathryn says, “This can be a time when a caregiver and/or youth can vent their worries and hold space for each other or for themselves. Once that time is up, they can literally place these worries to the side (write them down and put them in a box, burn them, etc.) or imagine putting them aside in order to make space for things they have control of at that moment.” You can also do “worry time” on your own, by setting a timer, and using writing, art, or even voice notes to give yourself a “place” to put your worries. I am definitely going to try this!
Express your love and gratitude: from saying hello, to telling people (and yourself!) what you appreciate about them.
Today when I boarded the bus, and was busily looking for my Orca card and worrying that the bus driver would be annoyed, the bus driver said “Hello there!” in the friendliest tone. I was so pleasantly surprised… which is telling! Later, the bus driver asked if the temperature on the bus was suitable for us, and then wished us a good day as we disembarked. The goodwill I felt in return reminded me that kindness, appreciation, and love are indeed the antidote for times of fear and disconnection – and when we offer them, we are supporting ourselves and others simultaneously.
James Winston, a clinician at Sequoia, reminded me of how meaningful it is for caregivers to practice such observation and acknowledgement with their children. James says that when parents notice and verbalize the things they appreciate about their children, “the teen/child processes that their parents are indeed paying deep attention to them, despite the pressures and distractions that so many parents are faced with. The parents reinforce that despite all of the difficulties occurring both internally and externally to the household, unconditional love, even in the face of deep conflict, will never waiver.”
Set some boundaries, while keeping an awareness of the whole.
There are many pressing issues we could affect. But the reality is, we cannot focus on everything if we want to be effective at some things. There are likely many different requests presenting themselves in your home and work right now, not to mention in the broader community. As always, we have to decide what we can tend to and at what level – and what we cannot. Remember that saying “no” to some things doesn’t mean you don’t care about those things, it just means that you want to say “yes” to other things that also matter. The latter may be more aligned for your skills and values, or feel more time-sensitive.
Similarly, many of us are feeling overwhelmed by the news and social media. Kathryn says, “I have had to limit how often I am looking at news, as well as limit my social media presence. I am currently experimenting with apps that give brief headlines or summaries. If I want to go deeper, I can, but I have been working on my impulse to do so.” I have been working on the same thing. If we know what we want to focus on, then we can more intentionally choose what information we consume, and which topics we monitor more comprehensively.
As I remind us about setting boundaries, I ask that we don’t forget the whole. It’s like the “portrait” setting on a camera: while we’ve chosen to focus on what’s in the foreground, we maintain an awareness of the context in which it is situated. We don’t want progress in one area to be at the expense of another. So I suppose I’m suggesting that, as we work on our piece of the puzzle, we stay mindful of and connected to others working on other parts.
Keep doing (or start doing) things that bring you joy, renewal and relaxation.
It is important to remember that joy and ease are essential to both individual and collective wellbeing. Regularly scheduling activities that bring us one or both can create the resilience for facing and doing hard things. Here are some ideas:
Play and create! (play games, joke, make music, tell stories, etc.)
Move your body (exercise, take walks, garden, go dancing, etc.)
Read silly or meaningful books, or watch the same kinds of shows or movies
Engage your senses (go outside, use sound or essential oils, etc.)
Seek out news about healthful and helpful actions occurring in the world
Contribute to something or someone else in a way that you’ve been wanting to
Do whatever brings you joy and relaxation!
