Mixed Emotions: Holding Space for Joy and Grief in Life Transitions
By: Elisabeth Walton (Exiting Practice Manager)
As someone who has moved frequently, I’m still surprised by how deeply transitions continue to stir up emotion. Whether it was graduating from elementary school, moving out of my childhood home, or now preparing to move to a different country, change has always come with both excitement and emotional weight.
In the past, I coped by focusing only on the positives ahead, avoiding thoughts about what I was leaving behind. But eventually, the sadness I had pushed away would catch up with me, often when I least expected it.
This time, I’m approaching the transition differently, using tools I’ve learned through Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Growing up, I saw things in black and white—something was either good or bad, exciting or sad. DBT helped me learn to hold two truths at once: that joy and grief can coexist, and that both deserve space.
When I moved to college, for example, I distracted myself with lists and research about my new town to avoid feeling the sadness of leaving home. I worried that if I let grief in, it meant I was making a mistake. Now I understand that emotions aren’t signs that something is wrong. They’re natural responses that help us process life.
Letting ourselves feel sadness doesn’t cancel out joy. Feeling joy doesn’t mean we’re ignoring loss. Both can be part of the same moment. When I think about saying goodbye to my siblings or leaving my job, I try to let those feelings move through me. It helps me stay present, grounded, and open to whatever comes next.
Transitions are rarely simple. They're layered with emotion, full of beginnings and endings all at once. By holding space for both joy and grief, we give ourselves permission to feel more fully and move forward with compassion and clarity.
DBT Tips for Navigating Change:
1. Use “Both/And” Language
Try: “I feel excited about what’s ahead, and I feel sad about what I’m leaving behind.” Both can be true.
2. Name What You’re Feeling
When emotions feel overwhelming, pause and label them: “This is grief.” “This is anxiety.” “This is joy.” Naming helps reduce intensity.
3. Drop the Judgment and Validate Yourself
Emotions aren’t good or bad—they’re just signals. Instead of “I shouldn’t feel this way,” try “This feeling makes sense right now.” Say what you’d say to a friend experiencing tricky emotions: “Of course this is hard. It’s okay to feel this way.” Self-validation helps you feel supported from within.
4. Be Mindful of the Emotion
Sit with what you’re feeling, notice where it shows up in your body, and breathe. Emotions, like waves, rise and fall.
5. Try Opposite Action (When Stuck)
If sadness or fear is keeping you from engaging in life, try doing the opposite—like reaching out to someone, going outside, or creating something. This isn’t about avoiding feelings, but helping you move through them.
